I lost my job. I know right, "Happy New Year!" Kapow you now have nothing to do, are making zero dollars an hour, and its so cold outside that just the thought of getting fresh air makes you shiver in your big oversized sweater and curl up with a blanket. At first I dreaded the resolution that was looming over me, "keep up with your blog". I thought what do I have to talk about? Who will want to read about my boring days filled with busy work and self pity. But then I thought, maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing, and reading what I write will bring comfort to them. Or what if someone has never gone through this, and in the future, sooner or later, they come upon the situation, and they remember reading a sorrowful series of blog posts reminding them that its not only you that it happens to. That's what my blogs about right? Well that's how it started. My beloved boyfriend thought that I would find comic relief in writing about how everything always happens to me. I mean that world out there, that Big, big world is sometimes horrible. And no one is that perfect put together girl that they show they are on the surface. You all must know who I am talking about. That one person in or out of your life, who does the things you want to do, who gets what they want all the time, who never gives a second thought to how much those perfect boots cost, or have to think about a bad hair day because they never get one. Well I say, that sometimes you just have to put a hat on, put on your big girl pants, and face that big old world, face it as a real girl.
So here it is. The good honest truth. Just so you know, whoever you are, that bad things don't just happen to you. They happen to me too.
I was laid off. My parents kept telling me it was good, I wasn't fired. But what's the difference really? I no longer have a job either way. Luckily it was not from the job that I absolutely love, but the restaurant job that I was just learning to like. Unluckily, there was no catering work with my other job, and so indefinitely I was available for anything. It's such a thing to think about. When someone asks you, hey are you free such and such a day, and you think and then sigh: Yes indefinitely available.
It's a slow season for restaurants. Who wants to go spend money when Christmas just happened, and you live in a city where the snowfall is close to 100 inches on average. I understand. When I went out searching for a job, I was looking for somewhere to earn some extra money in order to get me through said slow season. And yet, here I am. I had done a lot for this restaurant. I went in on my day off, I worked twice as hard as people I knew were making way more than me. I started to move up in the ranks. No longer the prep girl, but now on the grill stations- still making the same amount of money.
I got home from a catering job on a Saturday night, and my boyfriend Christopher was sick as a dog. I am not sure what that means, but here assume that it means VERY sick. So of course my premature maternal instincts kicked in and I turned into the nurse. Once my patient was stabilized, I took a breath, probably a sip of water and glanced at my phone. That's how it happened. The first thing that I think I really learned as a child was that everyone deserved respect. And I have always struggled with how to react when someone does not show me respect. Poor Christopher, fever through the roof and cradling a balled up, hysterical me in his arms. I never responded to that text message. I guess I did not really know what to say.
It's pathetic really, when you dedicate you time to something like your job, or your relationship, and when that is removed, you find yourself with so much time. Time that used to be spared, time that used to be rushed, trying to fit as much as you could in that single hour. Now the hours drag on. What do you do with yourself when this happens? Throw yourself into a hobby- first thought, not always so easy. I figured I would have hours to spill myself into this blog but have found myself with nothing to write about. Second thought: a gym. While you may get ripped because you have hours on end to spend pumping iron, do you have the money to join a gym. A gym is great, if you go. Looking for a job, of course was an semi-immediate reaction of mine. Of course a slow season at one place, means a slow season for everyone. Not so easy. I did find myself a nice one day a week job. Overseeing culinary classes that are given by Chefs all over our area to the general public. But let's face it, once a week- does not pay the bills, let alone those perfect boots we were talking about earlier. Chris assured me that one day was better than no days at all, which technically is true.
So I have been more dedicated to working with my mom on a wedding project we are planning for a couple next summer. I have had the time that I needed before to really stop and think about every detail. Although the wedding is far away, I think this has allowed me to move forward in ways that I may not have had time for before. Also I am working on an advertising scheme for our business that is starting to bloom slowly.
I have read five books in the last two weeks. I have always been a book worm- but not the kind of worm that goes halfway through the apple and stays there until someone bites him in half. I shoot right through, get the job done, and get out alive. So it was always hard to get into a book because if I didn't have time to throw myself into the plot. Now, I fly through them again, just as if I were a teenager again. I mean, if I have nothing better to do, then why not engage my brain by reading.
I started baking today. When Chris and I always worked separate schedules I would bake him goodies. By no means am I a baker. I enjoy cooking more, but I think that's because I like eating food food more than I like sweets. There is something about baking that intrigues me. It combines reading and creating for me. I am always glued to the recipe when I bake, and this stops my mind from thinking of everything and anything else. Cooking is different, because although I have a wonderful cookbook collection, it is rare that I follow every step of the recipe. I may follow the ingredients listed, or become inspired by the picture or recipe itself, but when you cook its with your heart, not a measuring spoon.
What was that catch phrase that Forrest Gump came up with? "Shit Happens". It does. And it's never really pleasant. But try to find comfort in the fact that it doesn't just happen to you.
You've Gotta Keep Your Head Up
