Friday, March 28, 2014

Serious Suitor?

The word boyfriend is so pedestrian, juvenile almost. The response that comes from the word boyfriend is casual or insignificant. It doesn't matter what age you are, or how many years you have been dating, the word "boyfriend" needs to be edited. In the past, if you went on a date with someone that was different than going steady. So does that mean that we should revisit that phrase going steady?

When does a relationship become serious? When two people commit to one another, and that does not have a set time frame. It could be two years or two months. How can anyone besides the people in the relationship judge when a relationship counts? Some couples get married within a year of knowing each other, some couples never get married! Unfortunately, marriages do not always last forever, so maybe the sincerity of a relationship should not be judged by the ring on your finger.

All of us who are in a relationship look down now or then on a relationship that has been in existence less time than ours. Is that okay? Teens in high school are in relationships for the first time. People who have been through high school and have had that first relationship experience tell the youngsters that "there are many fish in the sea" because in their experience they did not marry their high school sweetheart. I am guilty of this. There are people out there who do spend the rest of their lives with a high school sweetheart, I want to know their outlook on those dating in high school now. What do they tell their teenage kids? "Hey I found your father in high school, it is possible that, Justin Bieber look a like, Nate will in fact be the one for you". It seems like this relationship race never ends.

I am legally an adult. I have passed some of the major milestones of adulthood: I can drive a car, I am able to vote for representatives of this country, I could enlist in the army if I wanted to, I have graduated college, I live on my own, I am eligible to drink alcohol, I am in a serious relationship. I am still considered a young adult. I can only guess that this is because adult is a span from age eighteen to sixty five, which means that you are considered a young adult until age forty-one and a half, at which point you pass into the old adult category until at age sixty five you graduate into senior citizenship. When I tell people I am serious about my relationship I receive mixed reviews. Some people are very supportive but the majority of people shrug off my sincerity with a "you're young" in sort of a 'we'll see' tone. It's very disheartening, like they are sure of failure. How can they be so sure if I am so sure of the opposite?

When a man gets down on one knee, does that mean that he is committed to his relationship? Again, unfortunately there are infidelities that happen even after this milestone of engagement. Those in the relationship know when they are committed to each other and I don't feel that it has to do with a diamond ring. When one in the relationship, pops the questions to the other- the element of surprise is in when the question was asked and all the excitement that follows it. Now I could be wrong, but I think that seldom does the surprise originate from the fact that the question is being asked.

 I believe that marriage is the legitimization of a relationship before God. I also know it is a legal recognition of a bond. But as priorly mentioned, both of these contracts have been broken before. And some aren't broken, but there are some marriages that are not happy ones. So why does our society continue to believe that they know when our relationships are genuine or not so much? Shouldn't they just stay out of it? It only takes two to tango.

Yesterday I came across a status of a young married woman who was fed up with everyone asking her when she was going to have a baby. She exclaimed that just because she was married did not mean that she wanted to jump right into the next step. I was perturbed. Even after we get married there are still people who are nagging us to further legitimize our relationships? "We're married! Isn't that good enough for now?!" What's the rush?

Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to get married. I often tease my boyfriend about when the time will come. A little pressure never hurt anyone. But I know his commitment level and he knows mine. Who gives anyone else the right to belittle my relationship just because we haven't proceeded from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiancé to husband and wife? Should we be introducing those special someones as boyfriend forever instead of just boyfriend? I don't think any of us should have to.

No comments:

Post a Comment